blog archives

favorite blogs
fav #1
fav #2
fav #3

contact...
me Tell me how much you like my blog. Hah!

Its been one month since I had my son. He's my little piece of heaven and sanity (or what I have left of my sanity). Well, within the month period EVERYTHING in my life has gotten for complicated and I hate my life more now then I used to. The only thing that keeps me going is my son, I wake up everyday to face this world so he can have a life. I'm finding a new job so he can have food, and so we can get our own home; our OWN home. I love living with my family, its just time for me and Chris to have our own space. I give my sister credit for coming back to this house, theres alot of 12 year old memories here, but its just time to fly from the nest. Another thing is me and Omar, we broke up about 2 weeks ago, I dunno wheather to still consider him my boyfriend or what. I'm so confused and angry at him and my family that I don't want or HARDLY want to live anymore. Each day I wake up I realize that my life will always be like this; I am starting to realize that I will never be able to please anyone like I used to. I ate being a dissapointment to my family; all my life I have always been the good girl, never letting them down; but now with every decsion I make for me to be happy, it seems that they are dissapointed at me. Just to be happy; thats all I want, happy with the man I love; with our son in our life. I can't even make him happy, I cant make him understand. I wish they all could live in my shoes for one single day. And see how depressed I am each time I go to bed and wake up. the only life I have left is my sons, and thats the ony reason why I keep going because of him. My little miracle I love him so much, I would put up with Omars shit and my familys shit and everyone elses shit just for my angel. I just want to be happy, like I used to when papa was alive, I want to be happy like I was last year when I met Omar. just HAPPY!
posted by Jennifer 2:21 PM

I have a beautiful baby boy.He was born on July 30,2003 at 1:28am...6lbs 11oz...18 1/2In...his name is Christoper James Lipscomb-Pauline. I have held my little cusions and my nephew when they were his age...but I have never felt the over-whelming love with them as I do with my little angel. he's just so perfect and I do not regret anything I have decided while being pregnant with him. Yes, I know it will be hard for him and I going from my home to Omars but I know I can overccome it all with my little one by me. Just thinking of him or looking at him makes me tear up. Once and awhile when I sit and feed him it all seems like a dream, the post partum emotions make my real feelings so over-whelming I shake. other then having my beautiful baby, Maria (Omars mother) would like to see us married. I am flattered and I do love him but I dont feel ready to marry. and another thing is that I dont want to marry unless dad accepts him and dad has made it clear to me that he would have him prove himself. I notice that I do love Omar; I love him and CJ with all my heart but I hope for Omar to grow up past his some what teenage self. I am hoping our son will help change him, I see the love he has for me and baby but I dont like the way he "demands" me to do as he says. I hope to make him understand some how ...i will try hard to get it all in his stubborn head.
posted by Jennifer 3:51 PM

Well, I can have my son anytime, anyday, anyweek now. I'm so excited, but all of it is just starting to sink in that Im getting very scared. I'm esp. scared that Omar won't be there with me in the room. I know he promised he'd be there for me cause I asked him. But, I'm afraid that something will happen. I'm also afraid something will happen to the baby or even me. I mean you never know. But hopefully everything will be alright. Had been doing alot to get ready and I'm still not done. Tonight daddy and I are gonna put my crib together in my room; I cleaned all the baby clothes and packed the hospital bags for me and the baby. Tomorrow Jen and I go to the hospital admittance office to PreRegister me just incase I go into labor early. and Friday in the morning I have a Prenatal appointment. Until that day I can hold my baby son in my arms, I will definatley realize that my life has taken a real change that matters. I have my family that I grew up with. Omars Family which I only met some of the people, and have more people to meet still. and Finally I have a small family of my own; Omar, baby Christopher (yet to be born), and me. God bless all of us for I know that we all will be needing it.
posted by Jennifer 3:42 PM

3 more weeks left of my pregnancy. Im soooo excited and yet scared at the same time. I bet all new mother-to-be's are like that. The only person I know who really understands is Omar. Hes so unprepared (as am I) and can't wait for this part to be over. But little does my Man know that this is just the easy part. Because waking up to a hungry; wet; crying baby in the middle of the night isn't all that its cracked up to be. I should know with my HUGE family on both sides and helping raise my little cusions. But, I already told him that I would give him lessons in feeding the baby, changing, and anything else. It'll be good for the 3 of us. It'll bring us closer more than we already are.I give him a lot of props also, even though he dosn't want to be in the room seeing me in icky stuff and in pain. He's willing to sacrafice his comfterbleness to be by my side since I've asked him to be there. I (as well as his sister Jen) are starting to see that Omar is starting to commit ...very funy yet amusing to see. Geez louise I cant believe my son is nearly here. I get all teary eyed everytime i feel him move at nihgt...dosnt bother much just makes me smile and wish i could hold him. I cant wait to present him to everyone I and Omar know. Im so HAPPY...the happiest I've been in YEARS!!!!
posted by Jennifer 4:04 PM

This past week has been a VERY long and tiring week period. The week before on Monday ny brother graduated from high school. I got to see him walk and it made me feel a little jealous becasue I was gonna walk but my counsler messed up my credits. she totally miss informed me about my credits so I never got my cap and gown and walked with my friends.But seeing my brother walk and accept his diploma was good feeling. This week Monday he left for his graduation vacation. he gets to spend 2 weeks in Hawaii with our aunts and uncles. The rest of the week I have been busy planning for my baby shower. On Friday my aunt and I went to my prenatal appointment and my mid-wife says that everything is going fine. My wieght is good, my bloodpressures good, my baby is doing good. I am 194.4 lbs right now, and I have 6 more weeks to go. I told Omar my weight (hes VERY paranoid about my weight now) and he flipped out..he started jabbering like his jaw was losse...he wants me back to the 132lb woman he met a year ago. Okay bud think about it. I've been BIG my whole life there is no way I am gonna stay big after I have my son. DUH!!! anyways, after the prenatal visit my aunt and I went shopping for the food for my party. we didn't get hom until 7:00pm. At 8:00 pm we left the house again to go pick my grandmother up from the airport. She was coming to visit us from Hawaii. Shes gonna be here till the baby is born plus to help out with my mom since shes still using a walker after the accident. My grandma arrived at 9:30pm. We got home and at 12:20am I went to bed to rest up 'cause I know that the next day would be tiring and long. Saturday I woke up at 9 am and began cleaning the house downstairs to prepare for my baby shower. at about 12:30pm our kitchen outlets decided to have a short circit. so all our food for the party had to be moved around the house so it all could get cooked in time for the party. at 3:00pm Omars mom Maria and his Aunt Martha showed up and I introduced themto mom and grandma and everyone else who didnt know them. Just as I hoped mom and Maria got along. Omar always told me how our families would clash. I ALWAYS knew how wrong he was. If i kinda put the stories together I guessed that our families were both similar. The only difference is how Omar and I was rasied. Im so glad they hit it off. even dad likes her. Id say about half my guest list showed up. at about 4:30 (I think) we blessed the food and ate and played the baby shower games. Everyone had a GREAT time, even the little kids got along YEAH FOR ONCE!!! When we opened the presentsl, in my family we save the wrapping paper and string and whatnot and dress the mommy to be in a present wrapping outfit and parade her outside. I had a great time, and I got a lot of great and useful handy presents for the baby. I even got a couple presents for myself. Today was just a unwind clean up day. put all my gifts in my room and got to talk to Omar which he hadn't had sleep in 24 hours so I'm hoping hes sleeping now cause I know how cranky he can get.All I know is that this has been a LOONGGG TIRING week.
posted by Jennifer 11:48 PM

ALOT has happened in the past week. On Friday May 30, 2003 at about 4:30pm; my sister, mom, and Nephew had gotten into a car accident. My nephew came out just fine, he just has a couple scratches here and there and he was VERY shaken up. Now once and awhile he'll talk about what happens, but its good for him to let it all out. My sister had gotten internal brusing and external brusing across her abdomen and chest from the seat belt. She also came home with brusies on her legs from the sir bag by her feet. None of the other air bags went off. My mom I'd have to say had the worst injury. She was laying in the passenger seat asleep when they were hit. The truck that hit them T-boned my sisters car. My mom came out of the injury alive praise god. but with a fractured pelvis (on both sides), and a fractured floating rib. She also had to get stiches in her head. When I heard the news I was with my "sister" Jen shopping for stuff for my baby shower. I thought I was gonna faint in the store. Jen took me to UMC trama and I saw my dad there. I wanted to cry, because all day at work I had smelled Roses. and when we smell roses that means that my grandfather Bobby (my dads dad) is around. he was trying to warn me that something would happen. Usually he is with us when we are on dangerous trips and what not.he is our families gaurdian angel. never met him, he passed away 5-7 years before I was born. anyways, I'm glad that my sister mom and nephew are still alive. This shows me now That there are loved ones who have passed that watch over us. and there are miricles still left in this world. Besides all that, I am not allowed to see Omar for awhile, because Saturday (day after the accidnet) we went bowling and we took my cusion Skye. I told him all night that I needed to be home. he made me VERY angry by not taking us home that night. I got in trouble so now all I can do is talk to him once a day. I know I will miss the weekend visits I spent with him. but Its not to bad for I have my money and problems to take care of before I have our son. And I know he has a lot to take care of also. i'm just hoping when he holds his son in his arms he'll know how much it means to be responsible. the next time I do see him, it will have to be in the delivery room when I give birth to our son in one more month.
posted by Jennifer 11:37 PM

Alot has been happening.I'm 7 months pregnant now; so that means 2 more months to go. Don't really feel much of the symptoms except stuffy nose, lowerback aches, some crankiness here and there. other then that i'm feeling great. but, when it gets closer and closer to bringing 'baby' to this world scares me. everyday that passes I can't help but think about whats happening, whats going to happen, or how my life will be when I have 'baby'.i esp. think about omar and my relationship alot lately. it seems to me that he's taking that step in our relationship to bring us closer. 'cause eachtime we're together i feel him being more and more protective. even when we spend the night together; he NEVER holds me the whole night, and last time i spent the night with him, its like he didn't want to let me go at all...kinda like I'd disappear or runaway from him. i don't mind his attention, i like it a lot. i just hope its a permanent thing. i really would like to spend the rest of my life with him. even if my family sorta disaproves of him. i don't. im tired of trying to prove to them he'll never do anything to hurt me, and that he is helping me. I really dont care what they think of him at all anymore. I'm happy with him and he's proven EVERYTHING to me but just being there. I dont need his money. if he wants to help out thats his choice, im not going to force him into something that he dosnt want. our relationship is BETTER than my sisters was with her ex. and I know that ill NEVER end up like that, as long as we work it out. besides all that stuff i had to get out. I got to meet Omars aunt Martha. shes a nice lady, I told him about meeting her and he laughed and said oh the kooky one, and i said shes not kooky shes a teacher and thats just how she is. shes a nice lady with a Kawaii (cute) lynx kitty. well, thats all i have to write for now. I got a house to straighten up.
posted by Jennifer 2:19 PM

home